Clash of the Titans 3.0
THE FXBG ADVANCE FRIDAY 7/17/26 AFTERNOON READ
By Drew Gallagher, ADVANCE COLUMNIST
For a moment, we can put some of the conspiracy theories to rest regarding the World Cup, which ends Sunday with a clash of the titans—Spain versus Argentina—and is more the 1981 Harry Hamlin movie version and not the 2010 remake which was the very definition of lame and unnecessary. (The Harry Hamlin version was just lame.)
Spain, the tournament favorite, is in the final. and the only people I know who are rooting for them are retired UMW Professor Allyson Poska, who once wrote a book about 16th Century Spanish domestic women, and that chubby 3-year-old they keep showing at the games because he’s cute and he’s Lamine Yamal’s little brother. FIFA’s propaganda arm (and FIFA is octopus-like in having propaganda arms that will grow back if severed) has been ambivalent about Spain’s presence. Spain beat France in a semifinal which, of course, would have been much sexier had France won, but no one at FIFA cared enough to have their finger on the scales for that side of the bracket.
The conspiracy theorists have their favorite in Argentina, which seemed to receive beneficial calls throughout the tournament. The outcry is silly for anyone who has ever watched NFL teams try to sack Tom Brady or Patrick Mahomes without drawing a flag. The NFL knows they have to protect their quarterbacks, and FIFA knows that Argentina’s Lionel Messi may be the greatest goal-scorer to ever lace up a boot so having him in their showcase is not bad for business. Or for boots.
Just to be clear, Lionel Messi is transcendent regardless of inconsistent officiating. Anyone who watched the semifinal match against England can tell you that his second assist on the game-winning goal was majestic—and he did it with his non-dominant foot. I could try to type this column just using my non-dominant hand, but there is no way I would make it by my deadline. Messi also took a wicked hip check at the end of the first half and simply fell to the ground and got back up without writhing like a worm on a driveway after a rain shower in July. When a team has Messi the Maestro, the match is never over when trailing late in a match, as they were to England, until the 90 minutes are done…or the 90 minutes plus extra time…or the 90 minutes plus extra time plus 30 minutes of overtime.
(Let’s address the elephant, or English lion, in the room in a parenthetical aside that my editor hates. The U.S. crashed out of the tournament in embarrassing fashion after President Trump placed a call to FIFA President Johnny the Baby to rescind a red card against the United States’ top scorer. After the subsequent 4-1 thrashing by Belgium, many claimed that the U.S. team had been yet another victim of the Trump Jinx. There is a very good reason that the NFL never allowed the guy to buy a team.
(Anyway, England’s star striker Harry F**king Kane revealed that he had played golf with Trump a few weeks before the tournament. Trump called Kane a nice guy after their round, and Kane complimented the president’s golf game. Trump was rooting for England to beat Argentina and then Spain so he could personally hand the trophy to his golfing buddy. After the disclosure of their bromance, Kane went scoreless for two matches, and England is now crossing the pond without a trophy, much like they did in 1783.)
I’m sure FIFA and most of the soccer world are rooting for Lionel Messi and Argentina Sunday at 3 p.m. in New Jersey—a match that is being played in an outside venue without a roof at the hottest time of the day. FIFA should be rooting for all the players, including the 39-year-old Messi, to make it through the Jersey humidity without heat stroke. Same rooting interest for Madonna during the halftime show.
But there is one interesting wrinkle if Spain wins today. When Spain opened pool play in the World Cup nearly a month and a half ago, they improbably tied Cape Verde, which was not known as an actual country let alone one with a national soccer team. Talking heads asked what was wrong with Spain, the reigning European Champion. They also asked, “How did I get here, and where is that large automobile?” Spain obviously just had a bad game against a team that surprised many and advanced to the elimination rounds. If Spain wins on Sunday, Cape Verde will have the very cool distinction of being the only team that the champions didn’t beat in the 2026 World Cup.
I will be sad to see this World Cup end, though I know a handful of readers will NOT be sad to see no more columns on soccer. It’s hard not to cheer for Lionel Messi in what most anticipate will be his final World Cup, but it’s also hard to see any team cracking a Spanish defense that has only allowed one goal in seven matches.
Meanwhile, I’m wondering where I’ll find purchase after Sunday in a landscape suddenly devoid of four soccer matches a day on Fox and FS1. I know I’ll have baseball and American football to console me, but the World Cup, despite all its problems and a leader not weighted down by morality, is magical. Who knows what my life will be like in four years. Who knows what the world will be like in four years. It’s harrowing to contemplate. But then, on the distant horizon, hope appears. The Women’s World Cup in Brazil is less than 340 days away. I will once again muster my enthusiasm for the game I love, and with that love comes the belief that the United States women can raise the trophy…
As long as none of the players book tee times with Trump.
Soccer would be popular in the U.S. if the rules were changed to eliminate the goalie.