HUMOR: It's Not in Your Wallet (But You're Stuck with the Bill)

Ever wonder what a grouchy, angry, vindictive, narcissistic old man whose taste buds stopped developing at age 5 and whose intellectual curiosity stopped at 13 buys? Wonder no more.

By Drew Gallagher
HUMORIST

Photo by David Everett Strickler on Unsplash

“The U.S. national debt has surged past $38 trillion, according to the U.S. Treasury Department, just two months after surpassing previous forecasts to reach $37 trillion in August. This means the federal debt rose by $1 trillion in a little over two months, which the Peter G. Peterson Foundation calculates is the fastest rate of growth outside the pandemic.”

— Fortune

I do not believe that the U.S. national debt has reached a point where it is time for the Shelbys to come collecting, but we, as a nation, may be in need of some belt-tightening measures beyond Ozempic. Fortunately, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth recently included me in a group chat message asking how he should best set up his monthly expense report. He helpfully provided the White House credit card statement for August.

Below is the August itemization of the White House’s American Express Centurion Black Card which might appear somewhat foreign to non-oligarch readers because some of the expenses include brief descriptions of the purchase. Just one of the many benefits of the AmEx Centurion Black Card. Slogan: “It’s not in your wallet!”

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