'I' On Sports
With Apologies to 'Cheers' Season 6, Episode 2
By Drew Gallagher
ADVANCE COLUMNIST
The new editor of The Advance asked me to write a column on “What to Watch This Weekend in the Sports.” This editor will soon learn that this is why I like baseball, because there is no clock (well now there is a pitch clock), and I do not like working on a deadline. I still have the recurring nightmare in which I am on Mary Washington’s campus about to graduate when I realize that I forgot to attend a course for my final semester, and I will still be an unemployable Liberal Arts major but now without a degree.
I envision the replacement recurring nightmare taking the form of sitting on my patio drinking beer with my neighbor Tyrone on a Friday evening when I realize I have to dash inside and write about the professional bowling tour stop in Akron, Ohio, or Tyrone’s Bass Masters fishing tournament the next day at the Ni River.
(A Word from Our Sponsor: This column is brought to you by Globall Sports. Globall Sports once served the greater Florida area with 17 sporting goods stores throughout the state, but now only serves the greater Jensen Beach area of the Treasure Coast Square Mall because their owner wanted to play tennis three times a week in the hopes of one day beating me which he never did in high school.)
Speaking of Tennis…
Women’s French Open Final, Saturday, 9 a.m. broadcast on TNT, Tru TV, or HBO Max (which is a really expensive way to watch tennis). One of the difficulties in a column like this is we sports journalists of a certain age are not sure who the finalists will be since neither Maria Sharapova nor Andre Agassi still play, and we stopped paying attention to tennis in the 1990s—although Agassi is touring the pickleball circuit with his wife Steffi Graf and may be coming to the courts on Kenmore Avenue this summer. One thing that’s certain for this year’s Women’s French Open final is that no American woman will be participating since the last one was eliminated in the fourth round.
Men’s French Open Final, Sunday, 9 a.m. broadcast on TNT, Tru TV, or HBO Max (which is still a really expensive way to watch tennis even though the men’s matches tend to go much longer. This is in no way to suggest that the men are better at tennis or more interesting to watch because of genetic superiority, just that they play best-of-five matches instead of three so they generally serve and volley longer.) Like the women’s tournament, the French Open final will be devoid of Americans since the American hope for crepes and cream was Frances Tiafoe who was bounced earlier this week.
Of note, the French Open is played at Stade Roland Garros in Paris which shares a name with the character Roland Schitt from the hit television show Schitt’s Creek. Of further note, Roland Schitt was played with dramatic effect by the generational talent that is Chris Elliott. And some say I can’t shoehorn a Chris Elliott reference into just about any piece of writing.
NBA Finals broadcast on ABC… but apparently not being broadcast on Saturday or Sunday which seems like a huge miscalculation on the part of the NBA. There are, however, six WNBA games being played on Saturday and Sunday and two of those are on ABC which is a rarity these days when almost any channel worth watching has to be purchased through a Verizon bundle that includes HBO Max and The Babish Culinary Universe (what can’t that man do with sourdough?).
NHL Stanley Cup Finals, Saturday, 8 p.m. broadcast on ABC and ESPN Unlimited which can be bundled with HBO Max and The Babish Culinary Universe. As most readers know, when the Carolina Hurricanes step on the ice against the Las Vegas Knights no one knows what might happen. Mostly that’s because no one ever envisioned ice hockey in North Carolina or in Nevada because those areas are hot and not conducive to turning ponds into ice rinks. The Hurricanes have been in Raleigh for nearly 30 years (which seems like a typo) after the NHL relocated the Hartford Whalers following a Green Peace protest over the portrayal of whales in the club’s literature turned up more protesters than fans in actual attendance of a game. The Knights have been in Vegas for nearly 10 years which seems like another typo. Both teams have won Lord Stanley’s Cup once which has to be galling to the Buffalo Sabers and Vancouver Canucks, both of which were founded in 1970, the same year that I was almost named Cleon Charles Gallagher in honor of New York Mets outfielder Cleon Jones.
Those same very New York Mets continue their West Coast swing on Saturday and Sunday at the San Diego Padres. Saturday night’s first pitch is at 10:10 p.m. and Sunday is at 4:10 p.m. Both games are available on the MLB television package which once promised access to every game in a baseball season until the owners realized they could make even more money by selling games to Amazon Prime and Apple Television.
Enjoy the games this weekend. Especially the baseball games because the sport is hurtling toward a prolonged work stoppage in 2027.