Skunk Ball
THE FXBG ADVANCE WEDNESDAY 8/12/26 MORNING READ
By Donnie Johnston, ADVANCE COLUMNIST
Sometimes when I get a 15-or-20-minute break, I’ll go outside with a pitching wedge and three or four golf balls and practice my chipping.
Unless I’m about to mow, I’ll usually just leave the balls in the yard when I finished so the’ll be there the next time.
Then, about three or four months ago, the balls started disappearing overnight.
At first, I thought it was crows, who mistook them for eggs, that were stealing my balls. Then, I went out one day and found a ball with teeth marks.
Yep, it was a skunk, a dirty rotten polecat, that thought my golf balls were eggs and started taking them off to crack. Somewhere down in some groundhog hole there is likely a chamber filled with old golf balls.
At least the crows would eventually drop them somewhere. The ones taken by skunks are lost and gone forever.
Maybe I could teach that polecat to retrieve balls and take him with me when I play. I have been known to hit a few drives in the woods.
Speaking of golf, the other night a friend, who had heard a number of wild stories from me and my two golfing buddies, suggested that we form an act like what the Savannah Bananas have for baseball and take it on tour.
We finally convinced her that it would not work because too many weekend golfers like ourselves play just as badly as we do, and we all pay to see each other make fools of ourselves every week.
The crazy thing is that we keep coming back. Unfortunately, that’s what golf is all about. We don’t need someone to laugh at us. We laugh at ourselves. If we didn’t we’d go nuts.
Fore!
Has the drought ended?
Well, there are two aspects of the situation to consider. Yes, it was a wet July, and I have recorded almost six inches during the first 12 days of this month.
According to my lawn, which now needs mowing about every three or four days, the drought has ended. That said, the pond up the road from me is about dry, and the recent rains have done little to refill it.
Why? It got low and grass started growing in the dry spots. Now, each rain feeds the grass roots instead of puddling in the low areas.
That’s what happens at this time of year. Vegetation soaks up most of the rainfall as soon as it falls, and very little of it trickles down into the underground aquifers.
Winter rains and snow, that comes when vegetation is dormant, are what replenishes the water table. We didn’t get those rains and snows last winter, and we desperately need copious amounts of precipitation during the coming months.
Speaking of which, I saw the first winter weather forecast the other day, and it predicts tons of snow for our area. Yeah, right! The forecasters say that every year. But there is a super El Niño building this summer, or so they tell us!
Much too early to predict. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Right now, I’m watching the weather for tropical systems, not snow. The peak of the Atlantic hurricane season is about a month away, and so far, things have been quiet. Tropical storms and hurricanes can give us a lot of rain in a very short time.
And mid-August is when the low-pressure systems start coming west off the coast of Africa and developing into tropical systems in the Atlantic.
Be prepared.
It never fails
***
My daughter drove by her kids’ school the other day and guess what? VDOT has started a major repaving project on the street out front.
Every year the highway department does this. Just when the busses and the parents start heading for school, VDOT tears up the road and disrupts traffic.
Have the powers-that-be ever thought of checking to see when school starts? For two months there is no school traffic. Do the work then!
Grrrr!
***
My garden is about shot. A few tomatoes, okra, and some peppers left, but that’s it. And, after five months of work, I’m ready to let it go. Good season. Pantry full.
Remember that electronic gadget I bought to keep the deer out of the corn, the thing that screams, howls, flashes lights, and simulates gunshots?
Well, I took it down for the season and put it back in the box. I thought I had turned it off, but all the directions are in Chinese, so I wasn’t sure.
Well, I hadn’t. Ten minutes after I stored it in the closet, the thing went wild and I scrambled to again try to turn it off. It took about three tries, but I finally succeeded—I think. But I still may wake up one night with Chinese dogs howling and simulated gunfire.
But I assure you that there will be no deer in that closet.
