Sunday June 18, 2023
What is it to be a father?
What Does It Mean to Be a Father?
It means to be, and be there
by Martin Davis
At 60 years of age, I’ve reached a milestone. I still have my father with me, I’m the father of three, and now I am the father of a father.
I am also newly an empty-nester. And as such, I’m thinking a great deal this year about the role of fathers in my life, and the lives of others. My reflection centers on a basic question: What does it mean to be a father?
The answer, I’ve concluded? Just be, and be there.
There is no right way to be a father. It’s simply a matter of accepting the title (be a father) and showing up every morning (be there) - whether you are in the home, or afar - and let your children know, “I will be there for you - in whatever way you need.”
Among the three generations of fathers I currently share this life (my two grandfathers are no longer with me - but what I’m about to write was true of them, too). I never once knew a time when I questioned if my father would be or be there for me; I never walked away from my own children, so they knew that I would be and be there for them; and I’m proud to say that my son - a new father - is following that tradition.
Be, and Be there. It really is that simple.
And that complicated.
To be and be there is to subjugate yourself to your children. Not deny yourself, but subjugate yourself to the responsibilities you bear as a father.
We - my father, myself, and my son - have been taught to be and to be there.
We can’t always be there - we all miss plays and games and events for various reasons - but we can always be there, placing our families above ourselves.
Myself, my children, and now my child’s daughter have never had to question whether we as fathers would be or be there. We never had to entertain the thought, because the fathers in my family have always been and been there.
As I look back on 29 years of being a father with children in the home, I failed in many ways. But I succeeded in the two ways that most matter.
This Father’s Day, celebrate all the fathers who both be and be there.
And encourage those who wrestle with what that means.
Being a father is not a zero-sum game. All that matters is today. If you can be and be there today, you set up your future to be and be there tomorrow.
One day. Every day. Just start.
Be and Be there.
Happy Father’s Day.
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Lovely Father's day tribute. My Dad, gone these past 37 years, would have appreciated it. Because he lived it.