HUMOR: It's Fredericksburg vs. Either Paducah, Kentucky, or DeLand, Florida
"This is our moment to show we are equal to the gauntlet thrust at our feet by the legacies of Generals Washington and Mercer; our moment to tell the world that Caroline Street is without peer."
By Drew Gallagher
HUMORIST
As I told a friend this week in a memorable Facebook post that was liked by seven people, Fredericksburg does not get to control the venue (Garden and Gun Magazine) or the opponent (Blowing Rock, North Carolina—Town Slogan: “We’re open from Labor Day to Halloween, Subject to Daylight Savings Time”) while competing in Garden and Gun’s “What’s the Best Main Street in the South?” contest.
What Fredericksburg can control is our desire to win and prove to the fine readers of Garden and Gun that the best Main Street in the small-town South is Caroline Street in Fredericksburg.
As of late Thursday, Fredericksburg’s opponent for the Championship was still to be determined, as the municipalities of Paducah, Kentucky, and DeLand, Florida, beat upon each other with faded pool noodles at the modest intensity befitting a Disney commuter village and a town that is often confused with Palookaville, Kentucky.
But we, as Fredericksburgers, cannot rest on our laurels or any other shrubs or plants with dark green glossy leaves. The fight is not over until the clock chimes midnight on Monday (or Tuesday, the posted rules are a bit unclear) and only then can we raise the arms of our community in victorious celebration.
One Caroline Street landmark has vowed to reward the town’s populace with moderately priced milkshakes in 2026 if we emerge victorious. Jeh Hicks is the Director of Community Relations for Jarrell Properties, which is the owner of Goolrick’s Pharmacy at 901 Caroline Street.
Goolrick’s has been a cultural landmark for over 100 years and has been undergoing a much-needed remodel since 2022. Hicks has promised the FXBG Advance’s humorist that if Fredericksburg wins the Garden and Gun competition, he promises to open a refurbished Goolrick’s in calendar year 2026.
But I fear the lure of egg salad sandwiches alone might not be enough to focus our town’s attention for the next four (or five days) to vote and vote often at:
https://gardenandgun.com/bracket/vote-best-main-street/
You see, unlike the moribund offerings in DeLand or Paducah this weekend, the Burg is ripe with opportunities that might distract voters from the task at hand. Friday, of course, is First Friday, where people can sip and stroll down Caroline Street and visit the numerous art galleries and shops that stay open past 5 p.m. (Stop by Brush Strokes Gallery at 824 Caroline Street and tell artist Penny Parrish that Drew sent you and that you feel his columns are very clever and not overly long.)
If you have children in tow for First Fridays, grab a libation and head to the Card Cellar (915 Caroline Street) which features a number of toys and Pokemon cards to placate youngsters while you imbibe in a well-deserved adult beverage to mark the end of Spring Break.
You might even run into Ellen Gallagher or Addy Watkins working behind the counter and wonder why their names, images, or likenesses appear so familiar. That could be because both have been stalwarts on the Chancellor High School field hockey team under Hall-of-Fame coach Jim Larkin for the past few years. The same Chancellor hockey team that also features noted influencer Trinity Mason who, upon reading this column, should dutifully send the link for the contest to her thousands of followers, known as Trinions, and tell them to vote for Fredericksburg because you don’t win championships without the support of thousands of screaming fans who love how that new sweater looks on Trin.
The fun does not end after First Friday, with more exciting things to do in Fredericksburg, which do not require driving 30 minutes off Main Street to watch manatees winterize like it does in DeLand, Florida.
Saturday night marks the triumphant return of musician Sean Michael Dargan to Fredericksburg to play a one-night-only gig at J. Brian’s Taproom which, of course, is located on bustling Caroline Street. And there will likely also be music right across the street at Billikens Smokehouse (623 Caroline Street). One Caroline intersection alone offers an embarrassment of musical riches on a Saturday night in the Burg, unlike Paducah, Kentucky, where their acoustic singer-songwriters strum soullessly while gazing out across the Ohio River at the cow teat of Illinois and wonder which life choices led this to this moment of profound sadness.
Sunday is Easter and downtown Fredericksburg will be awash in brightly colored tulips provided by TulipsFXBG which arose primarily out of the vision of a man who lives on … wait for it … Caroline Street.
After Easter services and brunches, many of the eyes and hearts of Fredericksburg will turn to the campus of the University of Mary Washington in anticipation of the Division III Men’s Basketball Championship which will be streamed live, for free, at the Anderson Center.
Care to guess which towns do not have teams playing in the Division III Men’s Basketball Championship on Sunday at 4:30 p.m? Hint: It’s not West Kentucky Community and Technical College in Paducah, Kentucky, because they do not have sports and it’s not Stetson University in DeLand, Florida, because they are named for a hat. If you yell: “Get Dirty!” to the students of those two institutions of higher learning, they don’t know to “Go Wash!”.
Winning the Garden and Gun Magazine competition for “What’s the Best Main Street in the South?” does not happen without the support of the entire extended community of Fredericksburg or that community’s ability to remember to vote multiple times a day from different devices.
In 1777, the Continental Army faced the daunting task of being outnumbered by British forces in New Jersey. The American dream of independence and democracy teetered on a razor’s edge, but two heroes who would call Fredericksburg home saved the American dream in that winter. George Washington and Hugh Mercer proved equal to that moment in history.
For the people of Fredericksburg, this is our moment to show we are equal to the gauntlet thrust at our feet by the legacies of Generals Washington and Mercer; our moment to tell the world and the readership of Garden and Gun Magazine that Caroline Street is without peer in main streets arbitrarily chosen by a magazine. We must be equal to the challenges and obstacles that will adversely impact our ability to vote on our computers or mobile devices up to one time an hour on multiple devices until the clock tolls midnight on Monday … or Tuesday.
Only then will we be able to appreciate the sweet taste of victory in milkshake form.
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