DONNIE JOHNSTON: Polecats, Smartphones, and Pennies from Toilets
It's a special Friday edition of Donnie's column.
By Donnie Johnston
COLUMNIST
Can your smartphone read your mind? I’m beginning to believe that it can.
Last week I was driving through a neighboring county when I passed a house that was the home of a girl that I knew when I was a teenager.
As I drove by, I tried my best to think of the name of the man that this girl married but could not. When I passed the house on my return trip I tried again to come up with that guy’s name, but no luck.
Twenty minutes later I was home and, after checking the weather, flipped to Facebook on my phone. You know that “people you may know” list that comes up? The guy whose name I was trying to think of was first to appear - out of nowhere.
Coincidence or did the phone read my mind? I was alone so I didn’t wonder out loud. I was just thinking.
I know iPhones are smart, but getting into my head and reading my thoughts? Of course, there is the possibility that this guy and his smartphone were in the house at the time I passed doing 50 mph. But then I passed dozens of other homes whose occupants I know and their profiles did not appear on my phone.
Kinda scary.
Got a question. Why do banks never have customer restrooms? I have never been in a bank that had a restroom that was accessible to the public. I’m sure they have one for employees, but not for customers.
Why? Do they hide money in the tank behind the commode and are afraid someone will find it? Does the sink faucet spew pennies? What’s the deal?
Almost all other public businesses in this country have customer restrooms (it is a requirement in some jurisdictions), but not banks. If you’re doing business in a bank and nature calls unexpectedly, you’re in big trouble.
Just wondering.
I almost got run over the other day. I was driving down the highway when I came upon a freshly killed skunk. My sinuses were a bit clogged, so I stopped right there and took a few seconds to breathe in deeply. Ah, that sweet smell!
I would have stayed longer but a car came up behind me and the driver started blowing his horn, so I had to move along.
But I drove away refreshed, my sinuses completely open.
To my people (the Chippewa), this is the Moon of the Polecat when skunks come out from hibernation and start looking for love. For some reason they apparently feel that they will find it in the middle of the road. Then cars come along. You know that old song, Love Hurts.
This winter (and one of the latest springs in recent memory) has been tough on area golf courses. Rain, snow and cold have combined to keep many courses closed for weeks at a time. I have only played twice since Dec. 18 but hope to get back out this week.
I have been watching PGA events on TV and one thing bugs me – that droning sound of the blimps flying over to get the aerial shots.
Then there are the small planes that fly around pulling those commercial banners. Too loud. Golf is a quiet game (unless the guy who hit the ball into the lake is yelling), so let’s keep it that way.
Drones are quieter, so how about the Goodyear drone instead of the Goodyear blimp?
Something else that would help golf telecasts: tell those caddies to stand still. Guy hits a 30-foot putt and as soon as the ball is struck, a caddie walks in front of the camera so the viewer cannot see whether the ball went in the hole.
Which reminds me. Now that baseball season has started there will be interviews during the game with players in the dugout. Educate those guys not to rip off their headset as soon as the last word is out of their mouths. Wait 10 seconds. Better production.
Also, you mothers of players, tell your sons not to act like idiots and throw sunflower seeds (or other paraphernalia) on the interviewee’s head while he is on camera.
Really shows a lack of upbringing.
The Kentucky Derby, the first leg of Thoroughbred Racing’s Triple Crown, is a little more than two months away and three-year-old hopefuls are starting to amass points to qualify for the big race.
One to watch, in case you want to place an early bet, is a horse called Magnitude, which won handily in a Grade 2 race at The Fairgrounds two weeks ago.
Pony players might want to keep an eye on this colt.
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Nothing more affirming about the sublimity of nature than the skunk's nervous condition in full olfactory glory.