FROM THE EDITOR: When It Comes to Motherhood, 'You're Never Really Ready'
By Martin Davis
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Mail Martin
When my wife and I were expecting our first child, I confided our concerns to my mother. We wondered if we were really ready. “You’re never ready,” she said. “But you have your family to help you through.”
Looking back on those words some 32 years and three children — all grown and on their own — later, how right my mother was.
Hallmark movies aside, for most people, entry into parenthood carries with it a level of stress. And why not? Everything is new; the unknowns are boundless. That fear of the unknown perhaps, explains why first-time parents carry the equivalent of a portable furniture store for a simple day trip to grandma and grandpa’s house with their new baby, while by the second and third child they’ve learned to make do with a few necessities thrown into an oversized Vera Bradley bag.
Fewer couples are experiencing this, however, because fewer couples are having children. Reasons abound — for some it’s the crushing cost of raising a child (fewer daycares, falling numbers of ob/gyns, more couples living far from grandparents, soaring home costs); for others its concerns about our changing climate and overpopulation.
Demographers have an ominous way to describe what’s happening. The U.S., like every other developed country in the world, is facing economic ruin because we’re below the “replacement rate,” generally recognized as when women, on average, have 2.1 children each. Fall below that, and the country gets older, as fewer workers are coming along to support the aging population.
And of course, politicians seize on this.
Recently, President Donald Trump proposed a $5,000 “baby bonus” for mothers as part of an initiative to address the United States’ declining birthrate. It’s another in a long line of pro-natalist initiatives to encourage young women to have more children.
Some of these pronatalist movements are pretty creative and comical. Like Denmark’s “Do It for Denmark” promotion. Others are ominous and threatening, like pronatalist movements based upon the so-called replacement theory.
Most of these policies share one thing in common. They generally don’t work.
Politicizing the most intimate decision that women and their spouses make in life — bringing another person into the world — may well be the definition of government overreach.
If governments really are worried about declining birth rates, doing their primary job — maintaining a stable society and ensuring the economy remains healthy — would seem a better approach.
Today’s a day for celebrating and thanking those women who saw past their immediate concerns to embrace bringing new life into the world. And it’s a day for realizing that what those who aspire to motherhood most want is some sense that society is there to support them. Not add still more stress.
One may never really be ready for motherhood, but with the right support, one can allay the fears enough to make motherhood in its earliest years a little less stressful.
Support the Advance with 20% Off an Annual Subscription or Make a One-time Donation
The Advance has developed a reputation for fearless journalism. Our team delivers well-researched local stories, detailed analysis of the events that are shaping our region, and a forum for robust, informed discussion about current issues.
We need your help to do this work, and there are two ways you can support this work.
Sign up for annual, renewable subscription. Right now, we are offering our annual subscription for 20% off - a savings of $16 (new subscribers only).
Make a one-time donation of any amount.
Local Obituaries
To view local obituaries or to send a note to family and loved ones, please visit the link that follows.
Support Award-winning, Locally Focused Journalism
The FXBG Advance cuts through the talking points to deliver both incisive and informative news about the issues, people, and organizations that daily affect your life. And we do it in a multi-partisan format that has no equal in this region. Over the past year, our reporting was:
First to break the story of Stafford Board of Supervisors dismissing a citizen library board member for “misconduct,” without informing the citizen or explaining what the person allegedly did wrong.
First to explain falling water levels in the Rappahannock Canal.
First to detail controversial traffic numbers submitted by Stafford staff on the Buc-ee’s project
Our media group also offers the most-extensive election coverage in the region and regular columnists like:
And our newsroom is led by the most-experienced and most-awarded journalists in the region — Adele Uphaus (Managing Editor and multiple VPA award-winner) and Martin Davis (Editor-in-Chief, 2022 Opinion Writer of the Year in Virginia and more than 25 years reporting from around the country and the world).
For just $8 a month, you can help support top-flight journalism that puts people over policies.
Your contributions 100% support our journalists.
Help us as we continue to grow!
This article is published under Creative Commons license CC BY-NC-ND. It can be distributed for noncommercial purposes and must include the following: “Published with permission by FXBG Advance.”