HUMOR: Of Molly Pitcher, Elizabeth McGlinchy Flatbush Ratcliffe, and Fredericksburg's own Hugh Mercer
By Drew Gallagher
HUMORIST
This weekend we celebrate America’s Independence from Great Britain with parades (originated in Mesopotamia), fireworks (originated in China), hot dogs (originated in Germany), and beer (originated in Mesopotamia). The varied cultural influences on our uniquely American holiday show that our country has indeed been a melting pot for all the peoples of the world—and that Mesopotamia must have thrown some kick-ass parties under Nebuchadnezzar the Second. Party on, Nezz my brother!
New Jersey was vital in the establishment of our fledgling nation and has memorialized a few of its founding fathers by naming rest stops for them along its deadly dull highway system. Along with cultural icons such as Jon Bon Jovi, Judy Blume, and James Gandolfini, you will find toilets that commemorate the accomplishments of patriots whose first names do not start with the letter “J” like Alexander Hamilton and Richard Stockton (not the sportscaster). There is also a service area named for Revolutionary War hero Molly Pitcher whose actions at the Battle of Monmouth are the stuff of legend.
Pitcher traveled with her husband’s combat regiment during the war and, like many unsung women patriots, did a lot of the camp chores such as cooking, mending uniforms, and laundry. At the Battle of Monmouth, fought in the blistering heat of a Jersey June and not near The Shore, Pitcher’s husband passed out while part of a cannon crew. His wife, who had been running back and forth from a nearby stream with a pitcher of water to slake the thirst of the soldiers, gently removed her husband’s prone body from the battlefield and then took up his duties on the crew so that the cannon could continue to spit flame into the face of the Red Coats.
Some skeptics find it a little too convenient that a battlefield hero who was carrying ‘pitchers’ of water to the soldiers was also named ‘Pitcher’ and they are not wrong. In fact, Molly Pitcher, rest area to the contrary, is believed to be an amalgam of a number of different women who filled similarly important roles during the American Revolution. Artist renderings of Molly Pitcher swabbing a cannon are lasting tributes of the fight for America’s Independence and how instrumental women were in that fight.
One woman who is not part of the Molly Pitcher Amalgam (which really needs to be the name of an Emo band) is Elizabeth McGlinchy Flatbush Ratcliffe. She was the original EmRat if you picture her sewing in period dress by a Valley Forge campfire and not naked in a Robin Thicke music video. Though Elizabeth McGlinchy Flatbush Ratcliffe did follow her husband into battle during the American Revolution, she has been forgotten by all except a few distant ancestors and has no Jersey rest stop named for her.
Her husband was part of the famed Flying Camp which was a highly mobilized reserve of militia under the direct command of Fredericksburg’s own Brigadier General Hugh Mercer. The Flying Camp was known for an uncanny ability to move quickly and undetected to pester and delay the British to allow the larger Continental Army forces to move into position.
Mrs. Ratcliffe took tremendous pride in being a small part of such an important element of George Washington’s army, but her time in camp would soon end in disgrace. Many in Mercer’s militia fled as the British began their overland campaign in New Jersey in 1776, but both husband and wife Ratcliffe vowed their allegiance to General Mercer and the birth of a nation, and became part of a newly-formed brigade which had a pivotal role at the Battle of Trenton.
Many know the story of Washington’s famous crossing of the Delaware River on Christmas Night in 1776 where he landed in New Jersey and surprised the British at the Battle of Trenton. In fairness, most of the surprised were Hessian soldiers, who were Germans fighting for the British and likely drunk from celebrating Weihnachten far from home (special thanks to Fraus Ludwig, Brown, and Grugan whose efforts over six, hard-fought years burned the German word for Christmas into the memory of a budding humorist).
Washington’s crossing of the Delaware and the subsequent lopsided victory at Trenton proved to be a turning point in the American Revolution and was majestically captured in a painting by Emanuel Leutze which still hangs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City.
The Leutze painting took a number of liberties with Washington’s crossing, most obviously the fact that Washington and his troops crossed the river at night which would have been more accurately portrayed as a black canvas similar to the ones that Spanish painter Francisco Goya had painted about 30 years before Leutze and would have been found derivative. But one aspect of the famous Washington painting is believed to show a pained Elizabeth McGlinchy Flatbush Ratcliffe in what is commonly referred to as Boat 4.
Boat 4 floats fuzzily on the horizon of Leutze’s masterpiece but ancestors of Elizabeth McGlinchy Flatbush Ratcliffe believe the painting shows the anguished silhouette of their beloved EmRat clutching her right hand and raising it toward the beams of light poking through the low-hanging cloud cover. Most art historians believe the so-called “Hand to God” is the end of a paddle, but the debate will only end when the Ratcliffe family realizes that such arguments are how Art History majors justify their college degrees to their parents.
The descendants of Elizabeth McGlinchy Flatbush Ratcliffe believe that she was paddling alongside her husband on that fateful night when her wrist seized up likely due to years of schooling where she was required, repeatedly, to write the entirety of her name on chalk tablets which resulted in crippling arthritis in adulthood which prevented her from finishing the row across the Delaware. Family lore says that she was sadly relieved of her camp duties and sent home in disgrace by Hugh Mercer after this mid-river gaffe.
Mercer is believed to have greatly admired Elizabeth McGlinchy Flatbush Ratcliffe and her contributions to the war effort, but when stealth is of the utmost importance he said: “We can’t simply have people yelling, ‘F**k me running!’ every time their arthritis acts up during a middle of the night river crossing.” Unfortunately, Mercer received mortal wounds soon after at the Battle of Princeton and any possible written recording of the dismissal died with him on that sorrowful day.
The American colonies’ victory over the British Empire changed the course of human history. Both men and women made the ultimate sacrifice to see the birth of this great nation and further the dream of democracy. Some patriots had names much too long for history books and New Jersey roadside signs, but that does not diminish their contributions to our young nation. As you celebrate America’s Independence today, remember to raise a glass to the night sky, lit by fireworks, and think of dear Elizabeth McGlinchy Flatbush Ratcliffe. She would have most certainly been part of an enduring amalgam if not for an understandable bit of profanity uttered on a freezing night on the ice-crusted Delaware River on a long-ago Christmas.
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