MBAA!!!! Make Bananas American Again!!!
We've got to quit depending on foreign countries for food. Time to grow bananas (and rubber and coffee) in Greenland because, you know, 'bad people, very bad people!'
By Donnie Johnston
COLUMNIST
Our dear beloved president is right. America should not be dependent on other countries for anything.
Everything we use should be made in America. To do otherwise is treasonous and un-American at best.
This goes not just for manufactured products, but for agriculture as well. If it isn’t grown in the United States, it should be unlawful for Americans to sell or eat it, and I suspect that an executive order to that effect is somewhere in the making.
Take bananas, for instance. The most popular fruit in the United States – and perhaps the world – is grown farther south in some banana republic. That’s crazy! Why don’t we grow bananas in this country? An American banana would surely taste better than some foreign banana.
And coffee. Why should we import coffee beans when we could grow them right here in the good ole US of A? And cocoa beans. American grown chocolate would be much sweeter that chocolate imported from some country that doesn’t even like us.
Yes! My beloved president has the right idea. Grow it in this country or make it illegal! How can America be great again if we keep importing agricultural products from other countries?
Remember, these people in other countries are bad people, very bad, and we don’t know what they are putting in those bananas and coffee beans they send to America. There is a 247% chance they shoot drugs into the banana plants before the fruit ripens. Bad people, very bad, and we don’t want their bananas.
We want bananas grown in the contiguous 48 states, or maybe Alaska. Not Hawaii. We can’t trust Hawaii. They’re not really a state. Too far away. Liberal Democrats made Hawaii a state and the president is working on a deal with Denmark right now to swap Hawaii for Greenland. Greenland would make America great again and the president hopes to start banana plantations there. Greenland is close; Hawaii is too far away to be part of America. Too far.
Perhaps Virginia should take the lead. After all, Gov. Younkin is an ardent student of the Trump regime. Maybe the governor should issue an executive order requiring state farmers to switch from cattle and corn to bananas and coffee beans within three years.
Such an order would surely face some headwinds. Virginia farmers would, for example, likely argue that Virginia’s climate is not suitable for growing bananas and coffee. Such responses would be unpatriotic. As the federal government told the Indians when they resettled them on desert land, good farmers know how to make the best of what they have.
Bananas are a form of energy. They give the body a boost. Our beloved president has vowed to make America energy self-sufficient so that should go for energy foods, too. We can’t depend on banana republics and foreign farmers. We need banana plantations right here in America and especially in Virginia.
And every farm in the state should be required to plant coffee and cocoa trees.
Then there’s rubber. Why are we dependent on foreign countries for rubber? Their prices for rubber are too high, much too high. We need rubber plantations right here in our own country if we want to make America great again. Foreign countries probably put drugs in the rubber they send us.
Bad people. Very bad. Trying to rob America and liberal Democrats have been letting them get away with it for years. Remember, these people who export rubber to us are foreigners, not Americans. We need our own rubber plantations, probably in Greenland, after we make the Hawaii swap. Hawaii is too far away. Greenland is close.
Gotta make it all in America if we’re gonna make this country great again. I don’t want my coffee to come from Colombian beans. All drug dealers down there. Bad people. Very bad. And most of the bananas come into this country in the knapsacks of illegal aliens crossing the border. Just this morning 47,421 illegal aliens crossed the Rio Grande with bananas.
And what kind of American would want to drive a car with tires made from rubber grown in another country? Bad. Very bad. Should be illegal. I support an executive order that says all American rubber should be grown in Greenland, after we make the swap.
Hawaii is too far away. America can’t be great with a state that far away. And those Hawaiians have funny names. All the fault of liberal Democrats.
No more imported agricultural crops. All grown in America.
We love you, Mr. President.
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When you're right, you're right. Make bananas American again!