Mothers
Drew looks at famous moms throughout history, and finds some interesting ones.
By Drew Gallagher
HUMORIST
“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” Mark Twain
Today we celebrate and honor mothers. They brought us into the world, and some mothers would occasionally remind their first born that she wanted to name him Cleon instead of Andrew. Forgiving that solitary lapse in judgement, my wife once commented that if our children looked at her with the same reverence I had for my mother, then she would know that she did well as a mother.
Our children do look at her reverently and often incredulously. The latter is likely because she married a humorist who none of them find especially funny.
Beyond the esteem I hold for my wife and mother, I recognize that there were mothers throughout history that made such a profound impact on the world that some variation of “mother” was included in their names going forward. So, salute the mothers nearest and dearest to you, but also reflect about the greatest mothers in history:
Ma Barker: Your mother may make the best tapioca pudding you have ever tasted or have cared for you through debilitating illnesses, but history shows that only one mother engaged in the longest gun fight in the history of the FBI and that was Kate “Ma” Barker. Go ahead and post on Facebook that your kid got their first hit in T-ball (even though they ran to third base), but only Ma Barker could post on social media that, for four hours in January 1935, she engaged in a firefight where over 2,000 rounds of ammunition were fired. And this final blaze of glory took place with her dear son Freddie blasting away at her side. You might be Cub Scout den mother of the year for four years running, but Ma Barker said “hold my beer” while she reloads.
Whistler’s Mother: Her birth name was Arrangement in Grey and Black, No. 1, but after her son, American painter James McNeill Whistler, committed her to canvas in 1871, she legally changed her name to that which she would forever be known — Whistler’s Mother. As a mother, you may have sat for hours at assorted practices and rehearsals for your children, but at least you had Candy Crush or a paperback to kill the time. Whistler’s mother had to sit still for hours. It is said that Whistler’s Mother had a smile that could light up a room, but after she tried to inconspicuously play Wordle one too many times during the days-long sitting for the portrait, her burgeoning artist of a son decided that he would give her an eternally somber expression to show that there was no fun to be had while creating a masterwork of art.
Grandma Moses: When you live to be 101 it is not uncommon for a person to experience different careers and hobbies to while away the decades. Such was the case with Anna Mary Robertson Moses who took up painting in earnest when she turned 78. Moses’ paintings became incredibly popular and were even reproduced on Hallmark greeting cards. Art history majors have long speculated on her motivation for taking up painting at such an old age, but when you have nine grandchildren and over 30 great grandchildren there is probably an element of: “Well, would love to stay and pinch all 78 cheeks assembled before me, but Grandma’s gotta go paint old-timey New England landscapes before her stories come on.”
Mamamama My Sharona: This little-known mother rose to fame in 1979 when she was memorialized in the lyrics of a song by The Knack. Not much is known about Mother Sharona other than she was a little pretty one who was never gonna stop. This mystery woman’s tale reached number one on the Billboard charts where it stayed for six weeks. Alas, it was just a matter of time for Sharona.
Mama Cass: While Mother Sharona experienced fame in music lyrics, Mama Cass achieved greatness as a singer in the 1960s. When you are born Ellen Naomi Cohen you don’t become one of the great mothers in history unless you folk out on “California Dreamin’” and “Monday Monday” and helpfully join a band known as The Mamas and The Papas. During one appearance on The Tonight Show, Mama Cass said she was looking forward to carving out a solo career for herself where she could reclaim a last name. Alas, her life tragically ended far too young at age 32, and she did not die by choking on a ham sandwich as rumored. Mothers make sandwiches and cut off the crusts, they don’t die by choking on them.
Mother Teresa: Like many educators in recent history, Mother Teresa left the teaching profession to pursue a different vocation which was long before cell phones ruined the classroom experience. Mother Teresa famously received a message from Jesus instructing her to deliver his message to the poorest of the poor, and she headed to Calcutta to try to share the word of Christ. This message from God was substantially different from the one a Pastor in Colorado received in 2024, which told the Pastor to create a cryptocurrency scheme to steal $1.3 million from his parishioners and use the money to remodel his house. Mother Teresa changed the world for the better and was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1979 and was named a Saint by the Catholic Church. At no point does it appear that the Lord asked her to go with plaster crown molding in the dining room instead of healing the sick and the poor.
Mother Hubbard: Some mothers are not only called forth to care for and raise their children, but to also love and raise pets like dear Old Mother Hubbard who obviously forgot to get dog treats at the grocery store. This is a woman who puts Paris Hilton to shame when it comes to doting on her dog. (She most certainly would not have flown her dog commercial excepting that Mother Hubbard predates the Wright Brothers by nearly 100 years.) As with all heroes, there are different variations of the Mother Hubbard tale and the mythology surrounding her and her poor dog, who history seems to portray as quite the needy little pain in the ass pooch. If there is ever any question about the inclusion of Mother Hubbard in the pantheon of great motherhood, look no further than when Ella Fitzgerald, The First Lady of Song, memorably scats your story. Suck on that, Mother Goose!
So, to all the mothers out there, I salute you in the words of The First Lady of Song: “Mother Huzzah, bring me that Muzzah.”
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